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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Stop Blaming Yourself When It Doesn't Work Out

I follow a lot of various people on Facebook and Twitter, and last night was struck by this piece by author and radio personality, Jennifer Koppleman Hutt.

In her post she openly talks about having an opportunity to co-host a talk show for a day fall through right before it was supposed to happen. She likened it to dating and wondering what you did wrong to have someone not call you for a second date, breakup with you or just not like you the way you liked them.

I've often looked at dating as auditioning. It really is. You're auditioning for the role of girlfriend. That's the way it is. And sadly, even if you don't want the role, often you are STILL disappointed that you didn't get picked. Well, I think that's just plain wrong.

I think we need a re-fashioning of our thought process. If some guy doesn't choose you it does not mean there is anything remotely wrong with you. It doesn't.

Earlier today I was talking about this with a friend as I recounted the number of teary backseat-of-a-limo exits I've witnessed on "The\Bachelor." I don't think I've ever heard a woman say. "You know, that's kind of a relief. I wasn't sure how into him I was. It wasn't the right fit." No, every single woman cries and laments, "Why didn't he like me? What is wrong with me? I will never be loved."

Granted, these may lamentations best left to a therapist, but clearly, something isn't right. So often we get wrapped up in being chosen that we forget, hey, we get to choose too!

Just because a guy deigns that you are not the right person for them does not mean there is anything wrong with you, or him.

Listen, I am the poster girl for getting dumped. Sometimes multiple times by the same person. The fact that it didn't work out does not mean there is something horribly flawed within me, or that the other person is any number of expletives my girlfriends have cared to anoint him with. Sometimes, quite often to be honest, love ends or doesn't even get off the ground. It hurts, it's no fun, but it does not mean you are flawed.

As I think about "The Bachelor," and shows of its ilk which bank on the heavy flow of alcohol and tears, I wish that when people go through being rejected they perhaps learned from it, but didn't use that loss to beat themselves with. Maybe you just dodged a really big bullet. Maybe there is something you're destined for that you aren't even aware of yet. Have faith that you are wonderful, Just as you are.

Stop thinking every time a man doesn't call that there is something wrong with you. Just be you. And realize, maybe you should be doing the choosing for yourself and stop waiting for him to choose you.

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