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Saturday, February 18, 2012

The All-time Top Ten Reasons George Clooney Should Date Me

I have long joked about how I am the perfect woman for George Clooney. And he, perhaps the perfect man for me. Oft referred to as my "make-believe boyfriend" in my newspaper column, he has been both a fun writing device and an aspiration.

Not that things have always run smoothly with my love for George. At one point I ended my make-believe relationship with him because I felt he was going in a direction, dating a 20something waitress, that I felt was not really aligned, as the mother of a 20 something daughter,with my life.

But something has happened in the last couple of years. Maybe George has changed, and maybe I have too. I have once again fallen for not just his obvious charms, but for the depth of talent and heart that is behind the quick-witted retorts and million-dollar smile.
In this article in the Hollywood Reporter Clooney opens up in a way I've not seen before, and show a side that is deeper and richer than we've ever seen. He struggles with insomnia, loneliness, chronic pain and surprisingly, hasn't ruled getting married again out.

After I read this I thought, I would be an asset to Clooney's life, damn it He just doesn't know it yet. So here, dear George, are the top ten reasons you should date me.

1. I don't drink. You said you struggle with whether you're drinking too much at times and gave it up recently.Well I'm your teetotaler girl.

2. I think the reason you feel lonely sometimes is you're a thinker, a writer and a doer. I'm sure this cadre of young women you've dated are lovely, fine people, but perhaps someone closer to your own age might provide something deeper to explore.

3. You never wanted to have kids. Well I've got three and they're all grown up! Poof! Instant family to be a part of without the drool or teaching them to drive.

4. We could write together! Of course, yes, this would be much more to my advantage than yours, you're career is pretty well set, but I'm a good writer!

5. Marriage? Kids? I've done it. My biological clock has no need to be rewound. There will be no pressure from me.

6. I can cook. Yes of course you can hire someone to do this for you, but I'm betting they don't make my awesome oatmeal, chocolate chip and Craisin cookies!

7. All right, I'm not 30. Or even 40. But neither are you, Kimosobe. There's a lot to be said for confidence and experience. I'll just leave it at that,

8. I'm an active liberal Democrat and Obama supporter.

9. I am smart, quick witted, kind, thoughtful and caring. I am generally happy and upbeat, and compared to a Hollywood actress? Incredibly low-maintenance.

10. On a scale of 1-10 I'm a solid 7, on a good day, maybe 7 1/2. On Cape Cod in the winter, maybe an 8. I am not a super model, but I am also not unfortunate looking. You would not have to hide me under the red carpet.

I'm thinking George, as you continue on in your 5th decade, that perhaps all the surface trappings of your 30s and 40s might be feeling a little less...satisfying.  Hence the loneliness and inability to sleep. Maybe it's time to take your life in a new direction. Like east.

Cape Cod is a marvelous place to visit in February (shh, don't any of you  locals tell him otherwise!) I will bake some cookies, we can have some tea and you can be wowed by how completely awesome I am. After all, I wrote the book, or at least the blog post, on how to be awesome at life.

But I'm thinking you could probably teach me a thing or two about that as well.

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