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Monday, May 14, 2012

Can You Have Love With No Drama?

I was talking to a good friend last night about relationships and that feeling of angst that often accompanies many relationship. Well at least that's what I've experienced. What I ventured was - if there's no drama, no stomach flipping anxiety, is it love? Aren't you supposed to feel...edgy?

Bottom line, what does it mean when it's easy, comfortable, when someone follows through and does what they say they will do? Is on time? Is there for you when you need them? It's good right? It should be, but if you're crazy like me you might wonder - what's wrong?

My friend reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of "Sex and the City," from Season 3, "Drama Queens." After years of drama with Big, when Carrie finds things going easily with Aidan she thinks something is wrong.
It feels odd. I'm used to the hunt.
This is... effortless. It's freaking me out.
I totally understand. You're not getting the stomach flip.
Which is just a fear of losing the guy.
Maybe I'm not used to being with someone
who doesn't do the seductive withholding dance.
Hmmm...The idea that love doesn't have to be hard and filled self-doubt, pain and wondering what is wrong with you is a revelation for many of us. I know I'm not alone. 

I still haven't figured out how much angst is excitement and how much is the biggest signal ever to run, run as fast and as far away as you can. What we sometimes respond to in another may not be a healthy zing. Sometimes the zing comes from a familiarity with something painful - the guy who ignores you, who doesn't show up on time, who keeps you at an arm's length may just get to you because it all feel very familiar. And not in a good way.

I'm not sure if I'll ever sort this all out. But I'm asking the questions and trying to figure it all out. I always hated the whole, "Love means never having to say you're sorry," lie, but maybe love does mean not having to feel insecure, alone and worried. If anything maybe love means loving yourself enough to ask the questions, to accept and expect nothing but the best, and knowing you are worthy of all good things.

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