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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Do Women Need to Be Taught How To Pick A Good Man?


I read a piece today about how women need to be taught the fine art of finding a supportive partner. that got me thinking. What I posit is that for many of us, while the roles and opportunities have changed and expanded, we're still stuck in an old paradigm of what we look for in a man.

I'm a big fan of women, and men too, I just think when it comes to vetting partners we can all be bad choosers. I know I have been.

What this article declares is that choosing the right partner makes a huge difference in your lifestyle - both in your home life and career. The right partner, one who is a cheerleader, not a wet blanket, can make all the difference. If you have a partner who is willing to be supportive and  encouraging you will mostly likely go further in your career, have more help at home, and well, probably have a better life!

Sadly, many women (ahem, I cop to this) don't make conscious choices, they wait to get picked and do a lot of forcing their round selves into the square holes of relationships that just aren't as wonderful as they should be. I however, finally (!) am making more conscious choices and deciding whether or not I want someone, not just do they want me. There are some clubs you just don't want to be a member of.

We have a lot of really bad role models out there - celebrities who choose fancy weddings over actually choosing a spouse, women vying for a rose and wanting some schmuck to pick them (never wondering if they really like him!) and a plethora of "Housewives" and "Jersey Shore" residents who don't look far below the surface when picking a boyfriend or husband. And of course the sad and pathetic Gigi in "He's Just Not That Into You," the girl who is yoked to her cell phone waiting for a guy, any guy to pick her, Ugh!

I bristled at first blush at the concept of teaching women to choose a good husband, but the more I thought about it I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea. After years of indoctrination leading us to think if a guy likes you he doesn't treat you well,,, maybe we do need a course, And a good, stiff backbone. 

Stop thinking the guy who makes you feel insecure, off-balance and worried is "the one" because he deigns to call  you once in a while. Do me a favor - the next time you meet a guy don't sit there wondering if he likes you, will call again or doodle his name on a legal pad. Think hard, very hard...and ask yourself, What do I think? What do I want? You might find you come up with a much different scenario.




3 comments:

  1. This is great advice Candy - asking ourselves "what do WE want?" rather than "What does HE want?" is a simple yet oddly elusive proposal for some...

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  2. Thank you, N.E. Nic... it's taken me a long time to figure this out!

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